Is the memory always dark? smoke exactly that?

Yes. Its not the memory....if entering upon...

So it will feel no good at all. Correct. No good.

You mix up between the "shape, sound, appearance, figure" world where you took a very personal feeling toward that 2 mins in class, didn't last forever. Or even reunion. The time sand is always running it down. The air will get cold, the environment is not safe, your family is not living forever, or the finance, all that combine....you yourself inside your room, you cannot structure your life, not cooking, not tidy up, not seeking a job and finding a way. Or cope the things in front of you, think think think.

You sit there pray pray pray.

You think, you organize, you test out. If you getting 1000 doors rejected right there, like I pick a safe environment in UB, that is 1000 door you knowing it. What it means the capitalism. You never lose that part of the network. I have to figure it out something, not sitting there inept ! 

At that time, I cannot see, hear, or know. I never even think people will wish you keep going whatever you wish to do. I just behave always get up and trying to make it something. I am in that personality.